Behind the Blue Eyes
by marie vee
Summary: I struggle to stand up. I feel dizzy. Sick. Dead already, before the Games even begun. I step out of the Justice Building with swelling, puffy eyes and a tomato red face, onto the train that will lead to my slow and agonizing death.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

I wake up to the irritating voice of my mother, yelling at me to go and fetch the bags of flour from the basement. A loud groan erupts from my throat as my fingers stretch seeking the digital clock on my bedside table. Blinking in red lights were the numbers 8:00.

"8a.m? Oh come on!"

I prop myself on one elbow with the glowing light of the dawn's sun shining through my window right in my eyes. Next, time I'll remember to close my curtains before I sleep. It's annoying to have the sun straining my eyes the moment they open. The moment I stand, I feel an instant pain in my stomach, like something is eating away the flesh inside, leaving it empty. Scared and anxious are the first two words I think of. There can only be one cause of this empty pain. The reaping. Today is the day of the reaping.

I slide into my sneakers and fetch my sweater knowing that the cellar will be cold. I had just started marching down the stairs when I hear my father calling my name

"Good morning Peeta" he smiles. There is a hint of sadness in his voice. A hint of concern and I know why. The reaping which will start six hours from now. We head to the square at about 1:00, and attendance is mandatory. Even if people are sick, or crippled, they would still have to attend or else face the consequences of being punished. I hate the Capitol for this. The stupid, idiotic Capitol people and they're stupid, ugly faces. Forcing us to participate in this so called "holiday". Everyone in District twelve is terrified of this doomsday. You become eligible for the reaping the day you turn twelve.

Every district in the nation of Panem is required to offer up one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve to eighteen and force them to participate in the Hunger Games, a fight to the death on live TV. At the age of twelve, one slip of paper with your name is dropped into the draw. At thirteen, one more is added making it two slips and so on until you reach eighteen, the final year of eligibility when you receive seven slips.

But if you were in desperate need of food, you can sign up for tesserae. For every tesserae you sign up for, you would receive a limited year supply of grain and oil. The only catch is that your name would be added once more into the draw for each tesserae you sign up for. I can think of one person that will sign up for as much tesserae as she can get… and I start to worry.

"Morning dad." I grumble and turn away. I love my dad, but I don't want to get too emotional right now. Anyways, my names is only five in thousands of slips.

After I fetch the bags of flour for my mother, I decide to decorate a few plain cakes left for me to dress up on the kitchen counter, so that I could take my mind off of the Reaping. As much as I enjoy decorating them, I have no idea why we sell all these fancy cakes, almost no one in District twelve can afford them. District twelve is the poorest and hungriest of all districts, making the death of starvation a common factor.

It is almost about 12:00 when I'm finished decorating the cakes. I must have decorated about 23 by now with fruits and creamy sugar. Wow, who knew it would be hard and painful just to dress up a few cakes? I laugh at the pathetic thought and rub my sore hands caused my continuously squeezing out the icing from a tube. Huh, these cakes are better than usual. Then, I hear someone. Stomping towards me. I don't have to turn around to know who it is.

"Peeta! Why aren't you changed yet?!" yells my oh-so-annoying mother.

" I was decorating the cakes you left for me, and I'd appreciate it if you would just say thank you for once." I grumbled. _God, this woman._ I swear she doesn't't care about anything but herself.

"So, what?! You're an energetic sixteen year old boy! You should have been done hours ago! Now hurry up and go get changed you useless creature!"

As I turn and head for my room, I roll my eyes and mumble _whatever _under my breath. I hope she saw that. I've had to put up with her all my life and I don't think I could live with it anymore. I can't wait till I move out. I grin at the thought of freedom and slam the door behind me. Just, as its about to shut, my two older brothers come in after me. Rye is the eldest, he's nineteen years old. Rye, is named after a grain that is very important in the winter. He looks like my mom; brown hair, stocky build, green eyes, but he is in no way like her. He's my favourite of the two brothers, treats me nice, just like my dad. He can be a bit overprotective sometimes though. He has a girlfriend a year younger. Her name is Ceres. I like her, she's like a sister to me.

The second eldest brother is just two years older than me, Emmer. This one's annoying. He always gloats, always whines, always nags and he's really vain about how he looks. But surprisingly, he's mother's favourite. It's no wonder He can't get any girls. He doesn't really look like mom or dad except for the brown-ish brown hair. You would think I wasn't even related to him.

I look a lot like my father. Medium height, stocky build from lifting all those bags of flour, ashy blond hair that curls over my almond blue eyes. My dad's my role model, he's kind and charming, knows how to cook some great tasting food too, especially bread.

"Hey Peeta," Rye says. I can see in his eyes he's worried for us. He looks at my body, from head to toe, probably wondering why I'm not changed yet. "Let me help you prepare."

I nod in agreement as I glare at the other one, my other brother, wondering why he's here. He's already wearing his reaping outfit; a blue striped polo and black pants, reaping day clothes. Hey look! He even gelled his hair flat to make himself look pretty.

"What?" Emmer grunts.

"Why are you here? You don't even like me and your already dressed. Why don't you just go and look at yourself in a mirror or something?"

This seems to have pissed him off. I could tell because of the way his eyebrows crunched together and the way his breathing got heavier. He walks toward me staring intently in to my eyes and my fists clench together ready for a fight.

"Hey! Back off!" Rye steps in front of me and shoves him out of the room.

"Thanks" I mumble.

"What are brothers for?" he smiles

"He's your brother too."

"oh yeah. I forgot."

I grin at my brothers reply and wait patiently as he fetches my reaping day clothes. I slip into the outfit he brings back and I'm surprised that he gave me one of his favourite shirts and black pants. A white polo with an almost invisible mocking jay print on the upper right of the chest area. The black pants has the same print in black embedded on the back pocket.

"Thanks, Rye. Really. You didn't have to" I say. I look at myself in the mirror and notice that I don't look to bad. In fact, I look great.

"Haha, no problem. After all, the shirt really makes your eyes pop!"

We both laugh at his remark then suddenly the topic turns serious.

"Good luck today Peeta." he gently places his hands on my shoulders. "May the odds be in your favor. Your name is only five in millions of slips. I know it won't be you."

He looks me in the eyes for a moment, and then I could see it. He's worried. He's scared. He's full of doubt. And then, I nod and hug him, not wanting him to worry about me. I have a strange feeling inside. That today, the odds will not be in my favour.

We break of our embrace and meet up with the rest of our family. Everyone is tense. The clock strikes one and we leave the security of our home, heading to the town square to attend the Reaping.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I look around to see that the square is starting to fill up slowly. Its fifteen minutes to two and the space becomes tighter and tighter as the time passes quickly. Look at all of them. All the poor citizens of District Twelve. Their face are stamped with worry and sadness; the mothers, fathers, the children, all wearing the same depressing look. Years ago, I swore that I would never have kids. I wouldn't want to risk their lives in some stupid game. As more and more people begin to file in, the spaces becomes more claustrophobic.

There are signs on posts that have a number, from 12-18, which is where the children will wait according to their age. I search for the number sixteen, my age and slowly walk to the group. Damn, it's tight. I find my body tensing up between a group of sixteen year old boys. We all acknowledge each other and then look into the direction of the stage. It holds three chairs seating Effie Trinket, our district's escort straight from the Capitol with her ugly pink hair, which I think is probably a wig, a bright green suit and a huge white smile tattooed on her face. On her right is our mayor, Mayor Undersee, a tall man that appears to be balding. I move my gaze upon a third empty seat to find it empty. That's probably where a previous Hunger Games victor will sit. There on the stage, is also a podium and two large glass balls holding slips of papers with our names in them. I look at the boys glass bowl and reminiscence my seven names. Then, I remember. I quickly glance into the girls area and see her, the girl I love. I'm reminded that she would sign up for as much Tesserae as she could get and my seven slips is nothing compared to the number that she probably has.

As the clock strikes two and the last group of citizens arrive and sign in, Mayor Undersee rises up and walks to the podium to deliver his long, treacherous speech that he delivers every year. He tells the history of Panem, how it rose from the ashes of a place once known as North America. In Panem, lies the 13 Districts outlying a shining Capitol which brought peace and prosperity to it's districts. Then, in the time of the dark days, there was an uprising of the thirteen districts towards the capitol. But of course, the Capitol won the war and regained the power destroying 12 districts and completely obliterating District thirteen. As punishment, the Capitol organized an event, a special "Game" known as The Hunger Games with one simple rule. Every one of the twelve districts are forced to sacrifice one girl and one boy between the ages of 12-18 as tributes into the Hunger Games. They take our children and force them to kill, to remind us that we're just another piece in their game, to remind us that they have control over us. Our children we're being forced into the games to die and there would be nothing we could do about it. But this wasn't enough for the Capitol. They also wanted to humiliate us by creating a law that stated that we must treat the Games as a holiday. The last tribute alive would win riches of all kinds including a house in the Victor's Village and a reward for their District. Food which we desperately needed; grains, oil and the richness of sugars. Although the other districts with fallen tributes will have to face another year of starvation.

"It is a time for both repentance and a time for thanks." drones the mayor.

He reads an unbelievable short list of past Hunger Games victors from District Twelve. There are two names and only one is still alive. As if on cue, Haymitch Abernathy stumbles onto the stage and falls into the empty seat. I could tell from his actions that he is VERY drunk. No one in the audience would applause but he didn't care. He attempted to give Effie a big hug and she just barely escaped from his embrace. This caused her wig to shift dangerously to the right. I let out a small chortle as I saw how retarded she looks. I'm surprised the Mayor would allow Haymitch to act like this. I glanced at Mayor Undersee to see that he looked completely and utterly embarrassed. He knows as I do that District Twelve is the laughingstock of the whole of Panem. Quickly, as if to direct to the attention away from Haymitch, he introduces to us Effie Trinket. She almost bounces to the podium and delivers her usual "Happy, happy Hunger Games and may the odds be ever in your favour!" Happy my ass. She tells us that it's a great honor to be here, but I highly doubt it. I woudn't want to be here if I didn't have to, District Twelve rarely has a victor. And not to mention we're the poorest district of the twelve. Then its time for the drawing.

"Ladies first!"

She trots over to the girls bowl and shoves her hand all the way to the bottom. _Please let her be safe, please let her be _safe I think. Effie pulls out a piece of paper and its not her. It's Primrose Everdeen.

I watch the large screen over the square as the cameras shift to Prim's direction, showing her young wide-eyes and scared face. I could her the audiences murmurs of disapproval of a twelve year old having been picked to be a tribute in these deadly games. More like a corpse. I know this girl. I know her sister. And then, something startles me and interrupts my thoughts.

"Prim!" I hear someone cry out. Then I see her on the screen, the girl I had been worried about. She ran to her sister then shoved her behind her. "I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!" she gasped.

There is a sign of shock among the audience. Our district almost never gets any volunteers whereas other districts would have many. How could she? How could she do this to me? What am I thinking? Of course she would do this? She doesn't know. She can't know that I am completely and irrevocably in love with her. I am in love with a girl named Katniss Everdeen. Then, my mind is clouded with a memory that she probably doesn't remember.

It was a rainy day, four years ago. I was working in the bakery, decorating the cakes as usual. Then, I heard something. My mother screaming. Screaming and someone outside.

"Get out! Get out you dirty rat!" she yelled. I was curious so I walked up to my mother and hid behind her. It was just a girl. A poor, hungry girl that goes to my school. A beautiful girl whom I have been in love with all my life since I first saw her, and heard her sing. "Go to some other house! Do you want me to call the Peacekeepers to come on fetch you? Stupid children, I am sick of you and your little Seam friends digging through my trash!"

She started calling her names. Ugly names and swearing at her. I looked at the girl and knew I had to do something for her. She needed to survive. For her family's sake. For my sake. Then she saw me, and I knew at that moment, I had to do something immediately. My mother went back in the bakery and I watch as to where the girl was going so I knew where to meet her. She sat under a tree planting her face in her arms. She looked desperate and utterly depressed. This did something to me. I didn't want to see her this way, I want to see her happy. I would do anything to make her happy.

I ran back into the bakery and looked for two hearty loaves of bread. I knew that this would cause for a beating, but I didn't care. Nothing would compare to the pain of seeing Katniss depressed. My mother was rolling out some pita bread when I had walk to the fire place and "accidentally" drop them into the fire. I took them out immediately before they would get too burned and turned to see my mother, enraged. She was going balistic. She threw around everything, picked up her rolling pin and smacked it hard, against my face.

"Get out." she whispered. I knew she was going to start blowing up again so I ran out the door as fast as I could to where Katniss sat, grasping the two loaves in my arms with my life.

"Feed it to the pig, you stupid creature!" Why not?! No one decent will buy bread!" she yelled after me. She turned as the door chimed. Probably to go help the customer.

I began to tear of chunks of the crust from only the burned parts. I looked around to see if mother was watching and she wasn't. I threw the first loaf at Katniss's feet. I squinted at the pain of my cheekbone caused by the rolling pain. I wish my father was home. He would have never allowed this. Then I quickly threw the second loaf before my mother would come back out and sloshed back into the bakery.

I snapped out of the trance I was in and remembered that it was still the Reaping.

"Lovely! But I believe there's a small matter of introducing the reaping winner and then asking for volunteers, and if one does come forth then we, um…" she trailed off, confused.

"What does it matter?" says the Mayor. "What does it matter? Let her come forward."

I looked to the screen and saw Katniss's face. It was completely wiped clear of any emotions but I saw through it. She was sad, and scared.

"No, Katniss! No!" Prim was screaming hysterically behind her as she wrapped her hands around her sister. "You can't go!"

"Let go Prim," She said harshly. "Let go!"

Then the camera shifts to a boy. His name is Gale, I have always been jealous of him. He was always with Katniss, like bees to a hive. He lifted Prim off her back as she thrashed in his arms.

"Up you go Catnip." he says in a shaky voice.

I watch in sadness as she climbs the steps to her doom.

"Well, bravo!" squeals Effie Trinket. "That's the spirit of the games! What is your name?"

"Katniss Everdeen." Her face is hard. Scary even.

"I bet my buttons that was your sister. Don't want to let her steal all the glory, do we? Come on, everybody! Let's give a big round of applause to our tribute!" trills Effie Trinket.

I sure as hell did not want to applaud. This is stupid. This is unfair! It's then I notice that no one else applauds either. They all just stand there, as still as a rock, like me. _There, that'll smack the Capitol right in the face_ I think. Then, a movement occurred, it started with one person then everyone started doing it, including me. I touch my lips with the three middle fingers of my left hand and I hold it out to her, as a sign of thanks. It means admiration, it means goodbye to someone you love.

Then, come Haymitch staggering across the stage to ruin the moment.

"Look at her. Look at this one!" its sad watching this, really. He's such an emotional wreck.

"I like her! Lots of… Spunk! More than you!" He points in some direction and I see on the screen, that he's pointing to the camera, probably at the Capitol. It's what I would've done. He releases Katniss of his grip and walk to the front of the stage. "More than you!" I would laugh at what happens next if I wasn't so worried about Katniss. Haymitch plummets of the stage and knocks himself unconscious. He is taken away on a stretcher and Effie attempts to get back the attention on herself.

"What an exciting Day!" she says. "But more excitement to come! And now for our boy tribute…" she races to the boys bowl placing a hand on her head clearly to keep her wig tamed and picks up the first slip her finger touch. _that's not my slip_ I think. _it's only five in millions. It won't be me. It can't be me. Its not going to be…_

"Peeta Mellark!" I stand there in absolute shock.

"No," I think. "Not me! I-- I can't!" It takes a moment for my brain to register what has just happened.

When I regain control, I work on putting a mask of indifference on my face. Just like Katniss.

Katniss. The girl I'm hopelessly in love with. The girl I am being sent off to my death with.

'Don't think about her' I tell myself. Thinking about her just plain hurts too much. But I'm scared. She must come home. Even if it means that I won't. I almost crack at that point, instead I focus on getting myself to the stage. One foot in front of the other, left, right, left, right.

Finally, I make it up there and take my place next to Katniss. When Effie asks the crowd for volunteers, nobody steps up to take my place. I search for my brother in the crowd of eighteen year-olds to find that he is staring up at me with a blank face. For a second, I'm angry that he lets me go. It's like I'm not worth fighting for.

When the Mayor begins reading the Treaty of Treason, my anger begins to fade away. 'Forget Emmer,' I tell myself. 'It's for the better anyways,' I decide. Because if Emmer takes my place, he will actually try to save his life. And that meant killing anybody, even Katniss. It's better this way, better that I die instead of her. 'If it's me in the games, at least I can try to protect her until I have to...' I gulp. 'Until it's my time to die.' My eyes quickly flit over to Katniss. Even in this dreadful time I can't help but think about how beautiful she is. Yes, she is definitely worth dying for. She means more to me than my own life. For the remainder of the Mayor's reading, I think up ways that I can protect her in the Games. An alliance? Maybe not.

Finally the reading is finished. Mayor Undersee motions for Katniss and I to shake hands. I take her small hand in mine, memorizing the feel of it, how it fits perfectly into my own. 'Don't worry Katniss.' I look her dead in the eyes and try to convey the message, then I give one last reassuring squeeze to seal the deal. It's decided.

I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe, even if I die trying. But mark my words, Katniss will come home.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

I slowly walk onto the stage and take my place as I attempt to keep my emotions at bay, my face expressionless. When Effie asks for volunteers, I know that no one will. Not even my brothers, because one of them is too old now and the other one, Emmer, just won't. I look in their direction to see pain in Rye's face and Emmer, hiding his. Family devotion would only go so far in Reaping.

The mayor had just finished reading the Treaty of Treason when he motions for me and Katniss to shake hands. Her hands are as soft as dough and her eyes fill the emptiness inside of me as a look intently into them. She's absolutely stunning, and at this moment, I know that I will have to do anything to make that she lives, even if I have to risk my own life. Somehow, I'll find a way to get us through this. Together. Or die trying. I give her hand a reassuring squeeze, there is no way in hell that I will let this girl die. I hope she understands this gesture, that everything will be okay, that my motive is to protect her, and not harm her in any way. That more than anything I want her to live and grow old. Of course she doesn't know this, she's not a mind reader. She can't possibly know this. We turn back to face the audience and the anthem of Panem plays loudly over the speakers. I glance to my left, at Katniss, barely shifting in my position. To protect her, I'll only need to kill twenty-three. Twenty-three tributes and then I'll figure it out. _Let the games begin_ I think and give myself a little grin knowing how much trouble I'm putting myself in. So little that no one could possibly ever notice.

***

Two peacekeepers take both Katniss and I off the stage separately and into custody. No not to jail obviously, but to a holding room. They lead us into the Justice building, where we will have to say our final goodbyes to our friends and family before they ship us off to the Capitol for the Games.

I'm led into a large room, it's the same size as the bakery but more luxurious. Rich velvet couches and chairs, I know this from the clothes my mother wanted to buy, mahogany painted tables, and some nice-looking draperies. Right now, nothing is on my mind, except Katniss. How can I save her? And if possible, how can I save myself too? Then, the door opens. My mother and Emmer walk in. we sit in an awkward silence then Emmer starts talking.

"Hey Peeta? I'm so sorry. Really." His sad eyes look intently into mine.

Sorry about me being picked as tribute? Yeah, sure you are. You just can't wait to watch me go into the arena and die!

"About what?" I ask.

"For the way I've been treating you your whole life." Is he lying? No. I can see it in his eyes. His eyes full of regret. "I…..I don't know what's come over me… I don't know…. I just wanted to push you, so that you could be strong and not so soft. I wanted to train you to not break down if people treated you like shit. But I guess I came off a little too hard…"

I laughed a bit despite my gloomy mood. "A little?"

"Okay, fine. A hell of a lot, but I really am sorry Peeta!" surprisingly, he broke into heavy tears. "Will you forgive me?" he looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

Its not like he would lie right? I mean look at him. The Games have already so much of my life.

"Of course I will. You're my brother after all." I started getting teary too. I got up and gave him a brotherly hug, our first hug together in our whole lives. Although I have never hugged him before, he felt familiar and I felt safe. Then, I start bawling my eyes out. If I don't come back, I'll never be able to get the brotherly relationship I always wanted to have with Emmer. I will find a way to come back. I will come back for my family's sake.

I almost forget that my mother's in the room when I hear her give a light, fake cough. I guess she came to say something too. I let go of Emmer and head back to my seat. He follows me to it.

"You have something to say too mom?"

"Maybe District twelve will finally have a winner." She says.

Wow, does she really think I can do it? I mean, really? After all these years of ignorance and hate, she thinks I can do it?

"She's a survivor that one." She adds.

The peacekeepers come in and I give Emmer one final hug.

"You'll come back Peeta," he says. "I know you will"

It's sad that only now, Emmer and I act like true brothers. Right before I head to my death. Its sad really. I shed a final tear for him and I think that I'll might actually miss him when I'm gone. I give my mother an acknowledging nod and the leave the room. Then, her words come back to me. 'Maybe District 12 will finally have a winner. She's a survivor that one. _She is._ So my mother didn't mean me? I mean, unless I'm a girl which I am certain that I'm not. She meant Katniss. She's right but I still hate that my mother couldn't even say one thing about me, and it may be the last time I ever see her again. Not even a 'Good luck.' or at least a 'If you die in the arena, work around the bakery will be much slower.' she only talked about Katniss. She's right though. Katniss really is a survivor; she can hunt and aim, she knows how to live of the land. Where as me? I'm just a baker's son. What do I know? I shove my face into the couch hoping that I could wake up soon from this nightmare. I just can't take anymore.

"Peeta?" I hear a familiar voice cry out to me and turn my head.

"Dad!" I get up immediately and give my father a hug, then move on to Rye grinning beside him.

"Hey, son." mumbles my dad into my ear. Then, I could feel my face turning red and my eyes swelling up with a salty liquid.

"Dad, I'm scared." I admit.

"Don't worry Peeta, you'll find a way. You always do." he pats me on the head the way he used to when I was still a little boy. I shift my direction to Rye and see that he too, is bawling his eyes out.

"Come back okay?" he blubbers. "Come back!"

I give him a reassuring hug. He knows as well as I do that the odds of me coming back are next to impossible. There will be a dozen guys in the arena twice my size and several girls who know how to kill, severely.

"I'll try." I say. It's the only thing I can say. "I'll try."

The Peacekeepers come in too quickly as I start to cry even more. Rye fights and fights but he can't let go of the Peacekeepers' grips to get back to me.

"I love you, I love you both." I say after them and the door closes but I could her them shout back.

_I guess that's it. Then, I hear a knock on my door. There can't possibly be anyone else. I hear the door open and the person shocks me._

"_Hey." he says._

"_Hey, Gale right?"_

"_That's right. How did you know?"_

"_Your always hanging out with……" I froze. I can't tell him that I notice how he always hangs around Katniss, this'll tip him off for sure. After all, he might be her boyfriend or something._

"

"_With?…" he raises an eyebrow._

_I think of something fast, and I know it doesn't make sense but… "School."_

"_School? Well, yeah I guess I always hang out with… school." _

_Shit, now he thinks I'm a retard. "I'm sorry, why are you here? I barely even know you."_

"_I just came to ask a favour of you. During the Reaping when your name was called, I saw Katniss's face. She was thinking of something, a memory maybe. And I think she knows you._

"_So?" I ask. Obviously. He doesn't want me to kill his girlfriend. I would never do that even if he didn't ask. I could never, ever do that to Katniss._

"_Just, please, please keep her safe." he begs literally on his knees._

"_I was planning on doing that anyway." Shit! It slipped out of my mouth, just like that. He going to kill me for sure._

"_Oh." suddenly, there is sadness in his face, followed by an awkward silence._

_I know he'll suspect something if I say this, but I just have to know. "What is she? Your girlfriend or something?"_

_He's taken back by this question and squishes his eyebrows together. "No. No she isn't. We're just friends. Best friends." he looks at the ground and I could see it in his face, he's thinking about it._

_Then the Peacekeepers come to my rescue and escorts him out of the room. Just before he walks through the door he turns._

"_Good Luck."_

"_Thanks." I reply even though I don't think he means it. _

"_Does she know?"_

_This question shocks me. Shit, he does know then. I slowly shake my head._

"_No." I say. He nods then leaves the room._

_The Peacekeepers come back into the room._

"_That's all of your visitors. Time to go."_

_I nod and struggle to stand up. I feel dizzy. Sick. Dead already, before the Games even begun. I step out of the Justice Building with swelling, puffy eyes and a tomato red face, onto the platform filled with cameras, flashing lights and the train that will lead to my slow and agonizing death._


End file.
